As we are on a road trip, seeing so much beauty, life still happens. As I was telling my littles to clean up, fold their blankets and put their shoes away from the other area of the RV, I felt like I was nagging, repeating what I’ve already said three times. A few minutes later I hear my husband in the next room talking to them. I look over and see him getting down at their level, circling in to talk to them. I hear him say, “We are a team, we work together to get to the goal, so we are going to need your help to keep things flowing.” He has less than a little minute talk with them, but that subtle, gentle reminder did the trick.
He has had to remind me of this many times over the years, that we are on the same team. I didn’t initially and naturally feel like we were. I would take offense to his comments and get defensive in response because I thought he was putting me down, questioning me, or felt he was out to get me, but over time I have learned and built trust in him, and our team. We have to be intentional to carve out time to talk and acknowledge goals we have in our marriage, as a team. I try to remember this when we need to grow in some capacity. Where he is weak, usually I am strong, and where I am weak, he is strong. If there is something that needs growth, it needs to be tended to. Maybe it’s health, finances, schedules etc. whatever it might be, reminding your spouse that it’s for your team, to make the unit better is a good place to start. And one of you needs to take the lead in getting there.
Take finances for example, I was tired of going to Target and feeling like I had to hide the new shirt, or shirts for that matter, that I bought. You know the feeling right?? I’d wait a few days to wear it so that if he saw me wearing it and commented on my new shirt, I could say, “I got it a while ago” or something along those lines. Something to subside the conversation because I didn’t want him to question my $20 shirt, it’s not like it was a fancy $75 Nordy’s purchase, I would justify it in my head, I was not being a team player! Anyway, without going far off topic, I didn’t like the feeling. I was tired of feeling division, questioned, guilty, or like I messed up. The truth was, I was putting all these thoughts in my own head, solo, not being a team player. We had not circled in and taken that step to talk deep about it. We needed to get to the root of my feelings and work together as a team. Over time and countless conversations, we created a budget, and we together have a monthly goal with budget meetings (which end up being awesome date nights, the kids know when it’s budget meeting night, they go to bed early, it’s what you make it). There is a closeness we feel and experience by having common goals. It’s crazy to even vocalize, but there was a connection that I didn’t even know we were capable of experiencing. In marriage, we lean on and learn from each other’s strengths. We absolutely needed to work together on this, it was for the team, and it’s for the good of our marriage. This didn’t happen over night, but it took one of us to initiate the conversation, seek wise counsel and set up a budget together in unity. We each put different pieces of the puzzle together throughout marriage, and as a team we establish what we have. Take a moment to think, pray, reflect and acknowledge if there’s a chapter of your marriage story that you could strengthen, then take that step!