Things, you, people, circumstances, bad habits, perspectives, marriages, finances, outcomes can change if you choose to admit it, seek wise counsel and put the work in. Are there some things we just don’t have control of? Absolutely. I’m not saying you can do anything and change everybody, and everything in your path, we are not the Creator or determiner of all, obviously, but I’m talking about the things we do have control of, or the ability to have an impact on. This thought came about when my husband and I were talking about our kids’ personalities and the different ways they are wired up, their tendencies, the way they carry themselves etc. In that conversation I remember telling him that I can see one of them struggling with a particular issue later in relationships, and his response is what sparked my thought to write on this topic. Rather than just saying, well that’s just how she is, being the fixer that he is, he said, “Well, since we’re aware of it and see how it might negatively affect her, or cause some struggles for her, let’s be intentional about it and coach her along, give her the tools to work on it now.” Rather than just sitting in it, he reminded me to deal with it. Usually this would come naturally and we’d nip it, but for some reason I was just resting in it, saying in my head, well that’s just how she is, it’s how she is wired up. Be intentional about not masking, covering up and burying things, deal with it, change can happen. We do this sometimes when we stay in the zone of thinking, it’s just how we are, or it’s just how it is.
It’s a goal and intention of ours to get the tools and wisdom to help equip ourselves in areas of weakness, or where we need growth. We each have weaknesses, and we can just rest in saying it’s just how we are, or we can choose to better those weaknesses. I’m big on looking ahead, looking forward, searching for wise counsel toward someone who has already walked these waters. Whether it’s for guidance, role playing with our kids, or for myself, I try to look to a person whom I look up to and made it past the waters I’m currently in. If you feel like your marriage is stuck, it’s not! Look forward, it doesn’t have to be where it is, look for those who are further along, who raised kids and made it out of those trying and demanding toddler years, or the tween or teen attitudes you’re battling. We can sit in it, or we can get tips and tricks from those who already walked in it. I’m not saying you can wipe the attitude away, but maybe someone can give you a fresh perspective or some words of wisdom to deal with it differently. I think sometimes we just stay, or feel stuck in what we are in, but the reality is we can do something about, what we can do something about. Sometimes we need to be coached along or we need to role play how to deal with the neighbor or tough co-worker, or spouse. You’ve got a ton of people around you who probably have a depth of knowledge and experience, but if we bottle it all in it’s hard to surface and deal with it. My husband and I don’t come out and blast things we might be working through with us or the kids, but we seek counsel from books, or wise people we look up to. If your mindset is, it’s just how it is, I challenge you to take a moment to rethink. Do you have control of it, can you change it? You might need some coaching along, it might take you humbling yourself to admit an area of weakness, but that’s where growth happens. If it’s finances, your attitude, your marriage, a tough parenting season, whatever it might be you’re dealing with, if you do nothing about it, nothing will change. I think back and wonder how different our life would be if we hadn’t done this or that, or gotten honest about things we needed to work on. Get it out, seek wise counsel, start working on it. It’s a choice, and remember nothing changes if nothing changes.